I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
