I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Michael Bay diarrhea
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
