I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
