one word: firstdatebathroomanal
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
