It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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