My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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