It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
