I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
