Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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