my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I deserve this hangover.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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