I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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