He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
