My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
