What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
