We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
