I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
