Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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