at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
As shirtless as possible
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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