Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
