Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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