Why does Corona taste like a burp?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
