yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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