I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
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