I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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