i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Randomize
