ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
