I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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