If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
