I accidentally burped into my bong.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
