I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
