I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Randomize
