I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
