this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
