Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
