that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
