I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
