i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
