I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
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