I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
