Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
