I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
