I will die if light touches me.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
