Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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