I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
