i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Someone shattered a urinal.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
