Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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