In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
