oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
