I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
