Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
