Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
