Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
