It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
